Anisa Sanchez

17 September 2022

Professor Nivens

                                                                        Old Soul

Who am I? Who am I? That’s like asking what’s the meaning of life. Difficult to comprehend. I’m about to turn 19 years old, but who am I? I have no idea. Perhaps I am just a girl. A girl born in the wrong generation. Yea, I think that’s it. October 5^th, 2003. Why? Why not the 60s? or 70s? I wonder why I care so much. I often ask myself why I am not like other teenagers my age. Like those who like rappers that all start with Lil. Or those girls who go crazy over Taylor Swift or Ariana Grande. And then there’s me. Me. The girl who likes Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, and rock music. Oldies, as people would now call it. But why? I guess that’s the big question, isn’t it? Perhaps it’s because of the unknown. It’s something different. Completely different. An entirely opposite world. I am what some might call an “old soul”. The 50s-80s is my domain. My comfort zone. The fashion from those decades, all different yet amazing. The way they used to speak in the 50s/60s, as if they all had a slight British accent. And let’s not forget, the music and movies were just better. I obviously never forget that there were segregation laws and racism everywhere. However, that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the pros of that era. Don’t get me wrong, I do like a great deal of things from my generation. I have a very selective group of artists from the present that I like, such as Harry Styles, 5 Seconds of Summer, some Billie Eilish, etc. You see, I prefer music that comes from the heart. People who have soulful voices, such as Ella Fitzgerald, ‘The Queen of Jazz’. When I listen to those voices, I feel it in my soul. My heart is a drum, my veins are the guitar. My body is a part of their songs. Not the mainstream music of today, where almost everyone is half naked, singing about sex. Back then they sang love songs, LOVE songs, not sexual songs. There is a big difference. Expressing that you love someone with your entire being and wanting to make love to them and just plain saying “Hey, let’s fuck” are completely different. One thing I have noticed about myself is that I sort of have two opposite mindsets. There are some days that I want to be nice and listen to jazz. Open doors for people and say, “you’re welcome” with a smile always on my face. Other times I want to cause chaos and listen to rock music. Trash hotel rooms, wear all black, and have this me against the world mindset. Now that I think about it, it’s like having a little angel on one shoulder and a little devil on the other. But I like old rock music, you see. Guns N’ Roses, Motley Crue, Led Zeppelin. Why? I want to believe it’s because those rock stars get to live the life I wish I could. Well of course without the drugs and overdoses. But I only wish I had the voice that people like Robert Plant, Freddie Mercury, and many others had. Able to touch people’s hearts. Comfort them. Express their feelings when they don’t know how. The lavish lifestyle, getting to travel the world by doing what they love to do. It seems larger than life. Something you can only dream of. I am always hesitant when telling people these things about me. Most of society would only go as far as saying, “Oh yea, Elvis, he is the King of Rock and Roll!”. But I believe that there are only a selective few that really believe that when they say it. I also like to think that I fit in that margin. But I wasn’t always like this you know. This all started in my sophomore year of high school. I began experimenting with different genres of music and have never turned back since. Rock music came into my life when I started to become content with the same songs every day. Queen was the first rock band I started listening to, and oh boy, was it an experience! When I saw a frontman who wore skin-tight leotards, fur coats, and big hair that was common for that time, there were so many thoughts in my head. I kept thinking to myself, “who is this guy?”. But little did I know that he, and so many others would change my life. Jazz music came into my life most recently, when I was lost and frankly, a bit depressed. The first jazz singer I started listening to is Frank Sinatra. One of the best singers I’ve heard, hands down. I am willing to fight anyone on that. He makes it seem so easy, and it pisses me off sometimes. His songs teleport me to a fairytale where I am the princess who lives happily ever after. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside, and I believe every single word he’s saying. It felt like I was going rogue against society. It became my drug. Let me tell you, it has been a journey. But, like all addicts, you become isolated. Having very few people that understand or relate to my fascination. My mother is always a victim to my stories of new artists that I listen to. She had never been a fan of rock or jazz, or as she put it “We in the Bronx typically listen to freestyle or hip-hop”. So, I had to venture out for myself and would put her on to these genres. Usually, she would pretend that she’s a fan, however, in the back of my mind I knew she didn’t care, and my heart would be empty with lack of support. Nevertheless, it has been a journey that I am so grateful for. These things have made me who I am. An “outsider”, an “old soul”. They have shaped the way I dress, the way I talk, and my manners. Trying to shape myself to how I would possibly be if I lived in those eras. Saying things such as “Can you pass me that?” to “Would you mind passing me that?”. So, overall, I would say I am a complicated girl. Yet I am passionate about the things that I like (as you can probably tell). I wouldn’t change who I am for anything or anybody. 

                      How I used to dress (2017), typical teenager, tight jeans, popular brand sneakers, and a phony sweater. 

How I dress now (2022), plaid pants, turtlenecks, black boots, leather hats, and leather jackets.